Occasionally, if you’re lucky, you may get an opportunity to
dump the kids on Daddy and hotfoot it somewhere (ANYWHERE!!!) with your
girlfriends. Mums Without Limits has put together some handy tips to ensure you
beast the shit out of your 48 hours sans enfants.
1.
DO prepare a picnic for the journey. And by
picnic, I mean those mini bottles of Sauvignon Blanc and premixed cans of gin
and tonic a la M&S. And crisps.
2.
DO pack light. The kids aren’t coming so put the
family size suitcase down, lady. All you’ll be needing is lipstick, clean
knickers and your toothbrush. Sling it in an overnight bag and get the hell out
of there.
3.
DON’T be too smug when, as you trot jauntily
through the airport / train station, overnight bag swinging gaily on your arm,
you see some poor cow staggering along trying to simultaneously push a battered
old Maclaren, pull a toddler on a Trunki and balance a baby in a backpack.
You’ve been there before, you’ll be there again.
4.
DON’T plan on getting any sleep. Sleep is for
losers. You know this. You’re a mother. You’re the queen of no sleep. You do no
sleep like a f*cking boss. So suck it up bitches, you need to milk every second
of kiddy free time and if that means staying up all night, then so be it.
5.
DO get your flirt on. Before you get all
indignant about this one, I’m not suggesting extra marital activity or
anything. Of course you love your husband and you’d never do anything like
that, blah blah blah… But think about it. You have make up on. And heels. There
is no small person clinging to your leg and no snot or vomit on your clothes.
It’d be a shame to waste that. And besides, a little harmless interaction with
a man who did not impregnate you can do wonders for your confidence. So flirt
away. The waiter, the barman, the Uber driver, the French passport control man,
those Irish guys on a boys weekend, the guy who’s an amazing dancer (and may or
may not be gay, who cares), the economics professor who’s over from New York on
sabbatical*…. What goes on tour stays on tour. *These characters are purely
fictional and any resemblance to any real life person is entirely coincidental.
Honest.
6.
DO remember that you are now thirty or forty
something and your drinking abilities are not what they used to be. Ignore this
and get a round of Jagerbombs in.
7.
DO make sure you have all the drugs. No, not
THOSE drugs. I’m talking a veritable arsenal of Solpadeine, Nurofen, Alka
Seltzer, Berocca.... crikey, have a swig of Calpol if it helps. You are now
thirty or forty something and are therefore absolutely crap at hangovers.
8.
DO enjoy a leisurely lunch, without anyone
spilling a drink / fighting over the iPad / refusing to eat their food /
needing a poo (unless you have really shit friends).
9.
DO enjoy your 5 minutes of mummy glory when you
arrive home to your loving family and everyone falls over themselves with joy
that mummy is home at last! Hurrah for mummy! The children will fling
themselves around your neck with glee and Daddy will get all doe eyed and
declare ‘I just don’t know how you do it! You’re amazing darling!’ (Disclaimer:
this may or may not happen).
10.
DON’T sulk too much when Daddy springs it on you
that he’s booked a golf / skiing / rugby weekend away with his mates. Fair’s
fair. And you can always start planning the next one….
Written by Mums Without Limits @mumswithoutlimits
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