In honour of Breastfeeding Awareness Week, which runs from
1st-7th August (I know I’m a little late but a baby keeps you very busy!) I
thought I would share my own breastfeeding experience, despite how brief it may
be.
For me, breastfeeding is
one of the most natural ideas in the world. Even before I was pregnant I had
planned on breastfeeding. There was no doubt in my mind. Every time I read an
article condemning breastfeeding women in public I was angered to my soul. How
dare someone say that a woman feeding her child that way was ‘wrong’ or
‘voyeuristic’. It enraged me. I have always been so passionate about a woman’s
right to breastfeed and I was going to do the same.
When I found out that I
WAS PREGNANT AT LAST I didn’t even consider any alternatives. I bought all the
equipment, read all about it, bought my nursing bras and was all set to go.
Talking to other mums who had breastfed their own children definitely helped me
and cemented the idea even further in my mind. I was ready. Bring on the baby!
Then my
labour happened and it was nothing like I had planned at all. Instead of the
natural birth I had planned, I was induced a week after my due date, in labour
for 15 hours, then had to have emergency surgery to deliver my child. This was
all after having spent 4 days in the hospital the week before with high blood
pressure, everyday being told ‘today’s the day!’. That night I fed him with no
issues. It felt so incredibly natural and I was completely overjoyed. The
midwives on duty were fantastic, understanding that this was my first time breastfeeding
and, despite my best efforts and reading material, I was still completely at a
loss as what to actually do. Never underestimate the
experience and knowledge of your midwives – they do know what you’re going
through and will be able to help you with anything, including
breastfeeding.
Then the anaesthetic and
the cocktail of drugs I had been given throughout my labour wore off and it was
a completely different story. The pain was unbelievable and I wasn’t able to
continue to breastfeed. As much as I wanted to I just couldn’t and at the time
it was one of the worst feelings in the world.
I felt
like a complete failure. All this time I had planned on breastfeeding and when
it came down to it I wasn’t able to. There’s nothing more disheartening, especially
when this is what you’ve planned for, you have all the hormones running through
you, the anticipation of the birth is over AND you’re exhausted after, not just
a long labour, but a long pregnancy. Remember what you’ve put your
body through! And you’ve come out the other side stronger and with a
gorgeous baby!
Looking back on it I
realise that it was a good thing. I had to look after myself. Dara was still
being well fed and I was giving myself time to heal and repair my body. It also
meant that Benet could do his fair share and do the night feeds instead of me
having to get up every night too!
I’m not saying that I
won’t breastfeed when we decide the time is right for baby number 2 but this
time round it wasn’t to be. This is certainly not designed to make anyone feel
that breastfeeding is not for them. You know your own bodies. You know what’s
best for you. I still firmly believe that breastfeeding is the best way to
connect and bond with your baby as well as giving them the best nutrients but
sometimes it’s just not right, and it wasn’t right for me this time.
Written by Clare from @pinkshoelacesblog
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