Letting Go Of Perfect For The Holidays
December: month of bright lights, parties,
foods, family gatherings, and presents. Happy times of carols and good tidings,
and even snow if you are lucky. Christmas is my favorite time of year, I love
putting up the tree and cooking food, baking with the kids, and planning
surprises. But this morning I found myself sending a message to family members
saying “I’m so sorry there will be no gifts this year”. I would love to be able
to wrap up hundreds of gifts for friends and family members but this year only the
children will be on the list. Making ends meet is sometimes a struggle and I
don’t want us to get to January 1st and have to stress out about questions like
whether rent should be late this month or should we delay that already late
bill instead? We have a warm and comfortable home, and enough to eat, that is
the most important. I would rather spend money making sure Christmas is fun for
everyone, and but not so much that it is a source of stress.
We are the norm here, a family that works
hard and still struggles to make ends meet. We enjoy life when we can, have
times when we have unexpected expenses, and other times when we are flush. But
there are so many other people who have less than us, and this season may not
always be one of happiness for them. Where we live right now in northern
California there is a population of approximately 495,000. 3,600 of those
people live on the streets. (Side note: that number is the same as the total amount
of people whoare currently sleeping rough in the whole country of England). Sacramento
isn’t an anomaly: homelessness is a huge issue all over the US. So while I am
sitting in my warm apartment worrying about perfect Christmasses and if I can
delay that bill another week, I also can’t not think about those who are much
less fortunate than us.
I think a lot of the time we strive for perfection,
and assume that anything less isn’t enough. As I scroll through social media
looking at all of the beautiful trees and lights, the pieces of themselves that
others portray to the world I feel both happiness and despair (it is definitely
possible to feel both ends of the emotional spectrum together at the same
time).
On the one hand Christmas always makes me happy and warm inside, on the
other I start to wonder if I’m lacking in the holiday joy department this year,
and how I can make our Christmas perfect and also help others. Our tree isn’t
up yet as we just haven’t had the time, I haven’t sent out one holiday card (I
haven’t even mailed my thank you cards yet and my last child was born in
July!). I haven’t even bought any presents, not even made a list! And I have no
idea what we are going to cook yet. All I know is that we will be celebrating
Christmas the way we always do, that it will be our first Christmas in this
home, that it will be my son’s first Christmas on earth, and that my mother and
brother will be joining us. We will miss my sister as she moved back to France
earlier this year, but Christmasses away from family have never fazed me really
as I have spent so many of them in different places, with friends, with family,
even in countries where Christmas isn’t even celebrated. But for some reason I
have always felt the need to make it perfect.
But I have to remember: perfect does not
mean picture perfect. Perfect means warm and happy and friendly. Perfect means
moments that we will remember with fondness and a laugh. Perfect really means
imperfect, because it’s thanks to all the imperfections that I remember my
Christmasses as a child with happiness. Perfect doesn’t mean the most beautiful
tree or the most expensive presents. Perfect doesn’t mean a more beautiful
picture or a better celebration than yours. Perfect means that we all have good
memory of the day or days and that our children remember what we did and not
what they got. Perfect means that we didn’t spend weeks stressing about how to
create the perfect day. Perfect means that perfect doesn’t exist so we should
stop thinking it does. Perfect is just being. And a perfect Christmas also
includes a bit of giving to those that have a little less than us, doesn’t it?
May you all have your own perfect holiday
celebration, whether you celebrate or not. Just remember: what you see online
is never more than half of the story. Those images have a short lifespan, your
memories and those of your children last forever. So let perfect be cutting
yourself some slack and just letting some things go. Nothing wrong with a wonky
tree without any layered design to it – especially if your kid had a blast
putting it up with you. And I promise to let go of perfect this year too.
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