Ok so the first few months waiting for my glow I came out in acne something that I haven't really had since being in school, but its ok if I have to have acne for a couple of months and cover my face in sudocrem day and night so be it for my Swedish model skin. Then came the Mel Gibson hair (Braveheart addition) like the acne I can deal with that because soon I'll have this 'glow', so I thought.
The months passed and I started to feel like I was glowing less and less, I was like a B&M light bulb next to a B&Q one, I had officially surrendered to the belly warmers, which made me look like something off bugs life, I had my full knickers on and my belly warmers pulled to just underneath my ever expanding nipples. But you know what I was comfy as f*ck I felt free.
I also looked like when my mum used to make me wear black tights in the Christmas play.
I've been trying to work on my pelvic floor lately as let's be honest we all want to keep our f*nny intact not only that, I'd like to sneeze without p*ssing myself, I'm 22 and if I cough I p*ss, if I sneeze I p*ss, if I laugh I p*ss. I get up to p*ss at least three times a night, I p*ss then before leaving the bathroom I need a p*ss again I can't stop f*cking p*ssing and it's literally p*ssing me off. How am I meant to explain to my partner that I've just p*ssed myself because I sneezed? How attractive am I?
Since my glow is nowhere to be seen I decided to take matters into my own hands, my partner insisted we did a home workout, ok sounds good you know a few squats won't hurt... I found myself squatting in a Primark nightie that was maybe a size too small for me, ok 2 sizes too small, paired with my German slippers. So here both of us were in his mums living room attempting to exercise. Have you ever squatted with a bowling ball between your legs? That's what it feels like to squat whilst pregnant. I knew my partner must have been looking and feeling sorry for me, here I was in my slippers and Pocahontas nightie attempting to squat, out of breath after 2, but hey I was trying, I managed to complete my 'workout' it was a Monday I was feeling motivated. All day we lasted healthy eating until we discovered there was chocolate cake in the fridge that we didn't manage to eat on the Sunday Sugar deadline, there was only one answer to this dilemma that lingered on both of our minds...We can start again next Monday.
It was my birthday the other week, my boyfriend surprised me with a nice spa hotel, I was so excited, I knew was gonna get glammed up and feel myself again, I also wanted to impress my boyfriend. I decided to put on a nice dress which showed a lot of cleavage so what if I'm pregnant its a bit late to start wearing turtlenecks now isn't it!
I actually put a brush through my hair and put a bit of makeup on, and for the first time in a long time, I felt sexy. We made out way to the restaurant in the hotel, which was quiet as it was a Sunday. Do you ever feel like you're majorly overdressed and should have just kept your dressing gown and slippers on? The food was great and is it bad that even after 2 courses I was still hungry, they were massive portions, but we decided we'd order dessert to the room. When we got back I was p*ssing again! But I noticed a wet patch by my nipple area, I hadn't spilt anything on myself? I checked my nipple and to my surprise, it was leaking what looked like the colour of Helix Highlighters, I was in shock and nearly screamed the hotel down, my partner nearly sh*t himself.
After I'd got over the shock I decided to order a chocolate brownie to calm myself down, my boyfriend didn't want any for once. It was 9pm and we were tucked up in bed with MY brownie watching The Bake Off and of course, he wanted half of it. My feet started to become itchy and burning, I looked at them and they began to look like Fiona's feet off Shrek the only thing I could do was put a wet towel over them. So after feeling sexy at the start of the night, I ended up with milk nipples and pigs trotter feet I'm not gonna lie I did feel sorry for myself.
Feeling sorry for myself also gutted I had to watch Kill Bill instead of having sex because I ate too much and ended up feeling like Nutty Professor when he goes all swollen.
I think these past few months have taught me a big lesson, there is such thing as a glow, but you don't wait for it, you find it yourself, you create it. There's no point looking at pregnant celebrities comparing yourself, they have the money to get facials every week, they have life coaches and get their hair done all the time they have on hand makeup artists. They shop at Waitrose, I shop at Aldi and Iceland. So I'm learning to not compare myself to these people. I am a real person who has their ugly days when I don't want to leave my bed and eat a full multi pack of Mccoy's to myself and hide a crisp packet in a crisp packet to you can't tell how many packets I've had.
And some days I stick a face mask on, shave my f*nny (well attempt to and miss loads of parts out) do my hair and wear a nice outfit I make myself glow, I glow most snuggled up in bed with the one I love watching the Bake Off eating chocolate cake that's my glow, even if it means looking like Hagrid I'm glowing on the inside.
Written by Laura @yomummauk
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