1. Brushing teeth time.
The wall, the floor, the ankles of my trousers, the kid’s hair,
my hair, my shoes. Is there anywhere the un-wipeable substance doesn’t attach
itself too, apart from teeth. The white stained sodden towel gets folded over
to survive another morning.
Exhaustion level: 4
2. Getting the kids out the house time.
I look at the clock. Ok 30 minutes before we’re not just late,
but so late we might just die in a real life Trollstice. The kind of hysteria
experienced by those poor colourful, gravity hair defying babes when they realised
The Burgens had indeed come to town. However, right now we have 30 minutes and the
party is under control. I’m calm and a little smug. Only teeth, shoes, coats
and exiting the door to combat. I blink,
and somehow the situation remains unchanged for the next 28 minutes. Not a
thing or a body has moved forward to achieve the things to do before we leave
the house list, yet my throat is hoarse and my vocal cords appear to have
undergone a serious strain.
Exhaustion level: 15
3. Let’s wash our hair time.
I’m a little confused how the shampoo specifically bought for
the no more tears promise can create so many tears. I study the label for a further
five minutes.
“Close your eyes, head back, here’s the
flannel, look there’s still suds, just one more pour” said 27 times over.
Exhaustion level: 5
4. Dinnertime.
Me: “Dinner’s on the table cherubs”
(Currently still bubbling in the pot - I’m snack surfing on
anything in my line of sight)
Me: “Kids dinner time”
(Currently three minutes left on the timer -
can’t find anything else to graze on)
Me: “Kids seriously dinner IS on the table”
(Currently dishing up four variations of the
same meal)
Me: “KIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDS dinner is ON THIS table
(It’s now getting dangerously close to being
on the table)
Me: “Shall I just eat on my own then”
(Said whilst currently at the table eating on
my own)
Me: “Right the dinner is going in the bin so
no choc now”
A sudden stampede to the table.
Exhaustion level 10
5. Let’s get out the bath time.
Press plug, realise plug has been pressed back in. Hide plug up
high. Realise flannel has been placed over plug to stem drainage. Someone then
pressed ‘the wave machine’. I can
confirm that two tiny bodies swaying in 2cm of water can create more water than
exists in the sea. I am informed that even without water they can still play
the bath is a slide game. ‘OK I’m going downstairs so no play time before bed’.
After a slippery squeaky scramble, I bolt back up the stairs realising half the
duo cannot safely make it out the bunker unscathed. Two towels are wrapped
around two bodies for less than two seconds and four towels are required to
wipe the aftermath of the tidal wave.
Exhaustion Level: 8
6. Tidy up toys time.
Once we are all in ‘agreeance’ that we don’t reside at the
school’s Tombola, the shared fun of tidying can begin. Mid-tidy, there is either a lot of distracted
playing or a hidden conveyer belt regurgitating the toys to different corners
of the room.
Exhaustion level 7.
7. Kids Bedtime
The exhaustion level is obviously beyond recordable at this
point. After passing out for an hour, more surprising is the position I fell
asleep in. I shake the pins and needles out my arm to ensure it is in perfect
working order to lift the wine and chocolate to my mouth in order for adult
time to commence. I’m then wide eyed and bushy tailed for the next four hours
cramming in as much adult time as possible, batting off my husband’s quips. ‘Yes,
I did say I was going to go to bed early tonight’, then ‘No it’s not too late
to start sanding the sideboard’ and ‘Yes, I am exhausted, but I’ll be fine in
the morning.’
8. Morning time.
Me: “It’s definitely not morning time kids, it’s actually the
middle of the night. See” as I point to a closed curtain.
Me: “Babes I’ve had such a broken night sleep give me half hour
yeah?”
Exhaustion level: 158
By @maxedoutmumma
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