A Breastfeeding Journey in the US
While I’m waiting for this little overdue
munchkin to finally make an entrance into the world, I thought it would be
interesting to write about a subject that I am quite passionate about, and as I
have lived in the US for over 12 years now, and birthed all my kids here I have
a great perspective on how easy or hard it is here. Bad Mum has recently
featured a few excellent articles on feeding one’s baby and the pressures to
either breastfeed or formula feed, so I thought I would provide my perspective
from the US. To kick things off I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate. I believe
that it has worked insanely well for us, it’s easier, cheaper, and all in all
just the best option for us as a family. I also believe in trying to help
others who want to breastfeed too. At the same time, I don’t believe in forcing
mothers to feed their babies in one way or another, and I ultimately believe
that everyone chooses what is best for them. So you will never hear me telling
anyone what is best for them – only advice if asked.
I am in quite a unique situation because
around four years ago I got pregnant with my first. Seven months after she was
born I got pregnant with my second, and continued to nurse my first through my
second pregnancy. I believe in self-weaning, so just tandem nursed both newborn
and little toddler. Then last November I got pregnant with our third, 15 months
after my second was born. I just continued to nurse both thinking that at least
one would wean at some point. I am now 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant with this
one and both toddlers are still nursing like mad, so we are heading into the
unknown world of triandem nursing. I don’t even know what to expect, but we
will figure it out altogether.
I think formula is a great alternative to breast-milk. Before formula there were wet nurses, and other options, but at the
same time, the percentage of undernourished babies was much higher than it is
in today’s world. What I don’t like is how formula is heavily pushed on women
in the US. I don’t have a perspective on other countries apart from the stories
I read, so this is mainly based on personal experiences here in the US. If you
have read previous articles of mine you also know that I am quite passionate
about universal healthcare – but seeing as that does not exist here we rely on
insurance and therefore on doctors that our insurance covers. When I was
pregnant with my first I did not have insurance and went to a low cost women’s
health clinic where they helped me apply for state insurance and provided
excellent prenatal care. I saw a midwife and nurse at every visit, and they
reassured me that if I decided to breastfeed I would be fully supported. I
visited the hospital and was told that there was a lactation consultant on call
and they completely supported exclusive breastfeeding.
I didn’t have the easiest birth, and was
exhausted and extremely weak, wondering why they had taken my baby away and
left me waiting in a freezing cold room for what felt like hours. When we were
finally reunited (the “where the hell is my baby??” seemed to work), I tried to
latch her on, but had no idea what I was doing. The lactation consultant
stopped by for 2 minutes, instructed me from afar what to do and walked out,
while a nurse took pity on me and actually latched my child on and showed me
what a proper latch looked like. Baby just wanted to nurse and sleep, so that’s
what she did for a few hours, and we went on like that for a while. In the
middle of the night she got extremely fussy, screaming and wouldn’t nurse, and
instead of helping me the night nurse told me I was starving my child and that
she needed formula RIGHT THEN, popping a few bottle in the bottom of her crib
and telling me to feed her every three hours. We gave her a little but it
didn’t change anything, she wanted my breast not a bottle.
So I persevered. We went home within 48
hours even though I could barely walk (I told you, a bit of a traumatic
delivery), and my milk still hadn’t come in. The hospital paediatrician told me
just before I left that I needn’t worry as they baby had not lost any weight
and that all she needed was my colostrum. He was my saving grace. I hung on to
those words for the next five days before my milk came in, nursing around the
clock, through cracked nipples and a pain on latching that often had me biting
down on a pillow. Blocked ducts were massaged under hot water and I constantly
checked nappy output to make sure baby was hydrated. And then suddenly,
everything fell into place. I started to breastfeed everywhere, without a cover
because baby hated it (and it was the middle of the summer in NYC), and we
started bed sharing to make sure we both got enough sleep. Even today at the age
of three she is still a boob monster and I have no idea when she will decide to
wean… But amongst everything else, our breastfeeding journey was one of
learning that we must believe in ourselves and not let people push things on us
without real explanation. I went on to nurse my first and also donate a ton of
pumped milk to another mother who had legitimate milk supply issues due to
surgery.
When I got pregnant with my second I
changed clinic and hospital and the treatment was like night and day. Despite a
bit of a complicated pregnancy I was encouraged to continue to nurse all the
way through, unmedicated birth was supported but not forced, and skin-to-skin
and immediate nursing at birth, even after c-section were encouraged. My second
latched on within 5 minutes of birth and we had an easy breastfeeding
relationship from that moment on wards. It was probably a combination of easy
birth, knowing what I was doing and immediate skin to skin, but my milk came in
within 24 hours, and tandem nursing came naturally. Over the years people have
sometimes looked at me weirdly, and I have had friends and family members tell
me that it’s OK to stop now, but I have never had anyone actually bother me
outside about it. I have read and heard a lot of horror stories though, and
many of them are actually started by other women unfortunately. The “mommy
wars” are very much entrenched here too, mainly online, and you read a lot
about how women need to be “modest” and stop “flopping their breasts out in
front of others”, we “need to be mindful of boys and men”, and that “feeding
should happen in the bathroom”. Another good one is “express milk and put it in
a bottle to feed outside”. First of all when you are exclusively breastfeeding
a pumping session of 40 minutes probably renders about 4oz tops. And then we
don’t even mention how painful it can get once your breast start to fill and
get engorged… I always think the modesty police should campaign against porn
and swimsuit ads instead of against breastfeeding, because at least they
wouldn’t seem so hypocritical! Not that I’m against any of those things, I
believe that anyone has the right to wear whatever they want and express
themselves as they want as long as they are not harming another person.
Anyway, I got pregnant with this third
child in California, and my first concern was to find an OB who believed in
providing support for breastfeeding during pregnancy and natural childbirth. I
have had the most amazing support again, and am looking forward to meeting our
latest and benefiting from all of the wonderful pro-breastfeeding support I
will get post-birth. It isn’t the same for a lot of people, and a lot of people
aren’t able to choose their doctor or hospital either. I shared a room with another
mother after I had my second and I was happy with the treatment I got because I
wanted all the breastfeeding support I could get. This other mother wanted to
do half and half and was recovering from a second c-section, but the nurses
kept pushing her to sit up and nurse her baby. There has to be better way, no?
We can listen to a woman’s wishes and then support her in however she wants to
feed her baby, no? There is no right or wrong way: there is only the way that
works for each woman and her family. I will continue to breastfeed until it no
longer works for us, but I will never judge anyone else for wanting to formula
feed, pump and bottle feed, exclusively breastfeed or just do a combination of
all of them. Just be aware that in the US, it’s up to each woman to research
well beforehand and choose doctors, hospitals and paediatricians who support
them.
Over the years I have written quite a few
articles about breastfeeding and tandem nursing:
The “I’m Feeding My Baby Post” http://www.jadeannahughes.com/fromtheinside/2014/6/17/ramblings-the-im-feeding-my-baby-post
A Story of Nursing Two http://www.jadeannahughes.com/fromtheinside/2016/3/9/mtzrl7vgqkyzf0uhbiyy93fxn31eap
So Much Outdated Information Out There:
Tandem Nursing While Pregnant
Social
Media:
Website, From the Inside:
http://www.jadeannahughes.com
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/paradoxicaldecadence/
Instagram: @lunajadeX
Twitter: @jadeannahughes
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